You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
