having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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