Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
