i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize