he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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