false alarm. still invincible.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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