you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
