I'm going to jail i love you
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
