Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
