I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
