Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
