You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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