Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
