if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize