god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
last night I used snow as a chaser
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
