there's paper in my vomit.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
