so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
