I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
