he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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