Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
