If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
