The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
