hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
