16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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