My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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