You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
