I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
