dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
