It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
