Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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