He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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