i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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