Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Semen is not good for contacts.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize