so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
