why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
