I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You made out with two different species that night
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
