I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
4 words: hood of his car
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
