the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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