I can feel you judging me through the phone.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
