Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
