I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
