Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
