Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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