we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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