I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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