are you still at the devil's house?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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