Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
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My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
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we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
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