it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
