Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
