dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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