yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
