you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
