i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
