I wish I could punch you in the face.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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