You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
