I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
