Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
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