when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
3 2 1 whiskey
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
