No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
