Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
