cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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