I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
