apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
