I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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